Quite a few people have asked me the basic "well...now what?" question repeatedly in one shape and form in one way or another. Well, I guess I can finally, sort of, answer that question now.
I'm not going to college until, most likely, fall of 2011 or 2012. I have quite a bit of things that I wish to do before I jump right back into the daily lifestyle of schooling. I have a job and will finally have an income and I wish to spend my time currently focusing on what I want out of my life. Which currently is to travel, focus on my fantastic relationship, focus on my friends, focus on work, getting out from under my suffocating parents, finding a place to live downtown with some awesome friends as roomies, and getting my life into some sort of order. Not that it's necessarily in chaos but, I really would like to finish lining up my life's puzzle pieces before I jump into anything. My plan is to do just as I would with a puzzle. It's simple. Take out all of the edge pieces and put them together. In other words: get a solid structure before I jump into the sea of center pieces and figuring out how to place those all together as I find them. I see my life as a completely blank puzzle, every single piece is nothing but a plain white piece. There's no telling how one piece can connect to another. And yet, as I begin to place them together a piece of the image begins to show up on the piece. Rather than getting frustrated I just take it slowly as one thing at a time comes to me. Taking every day one step at a time, taking everything I am given to work with and putting it to good use, and enjoying the little things. It's those small moments like hoola hooping in the middle of a Walmart isle and getting funny looks from everyone that passes by and small comments from those who think you're awesome. Or when one person says something that can be taken dirty and you both smile just because it was funny. Or waking up to those wonderful text messages that say "Good morning! Have a good day!". It's things like that. Things that give you even a tiny smile to your face or a beautiful glint to your eyes. Or even makes you feel some sort of awesome emotion that you can't seem to explain in words. Even though I don't really tend to realize these moments until after they've happened and I remember them for the next few days, it's extremely nice to have those small moments. It's nice to know that I don't have to be afraid to cry in front of someone or to be myself in front of them. To know that I don't have to put on that fake cheesy smile of mine to act like my day has been all peaches and cream and even if I do, it quickly melts away into a sincere smile of extreme joy and happiness. Of love and life. I guess that after years of searching for where I've been, trying to make sense of where I'm am, and working out where I'm going to go...I've figured it out. Where I've been has made me who I am, where I am is every day I live, and where I'm going to go is where ever my heart leads me. I might not have figured out my life just yet but, I don't care. I'm happy where I'm at, who my friends are, who I'm with, and how I live my life. My life, is what it is. Who I am, is what I've created. I am me and that's all I want to be.
With love,
Tori
